I sit alone in the darkness. Her soft, hypnotic voice ringing in my ears. No words come to me, but I understand perfectly. And what I understand makes me afraid of Her. Yet, undulating beneath my fear is a morbid hope. The hope that maybe he would be with me once more; that our life would be the same: happy, carefree and innocent.
But the price. Oh the price is heavy...
But we will be together again.
I can almost feel the hem of my skirt fluttering against my calves while we stand together on a bluff, on the edge of the rowan woods, watching the storm roll in. The clear smell of quenched earth will permeate the air, and the drought plaguing the land will soon break. The terrible heat that had, indirectly, taken his life will be lifted and he will watch the black clouds roll in and obscure the blazing, unforgiving sun. He will curl his arm around me and we will watch as life and mercy draws ever closer. The sun will be dampened, then consumed by dark, threatening clouds. Thunder will herald the storm’s arrival. Then the clouds will break. Water will come pouring down on us, thunder pounding above and lightning igniting the sky. Our feet will move in joyous celebration once more. He will smile and laugh and dance with me, glorying in the rain that has saved the land from certain death. We will scream ululations to the heavens and thank God for what He has given us.
Then we will stop. He will look deep into my eyes. His grin will taper to a soft, gentle smile. I can feel how my heart will flutter so hard it hurts. His green eyes will swallow me whole, and leave me drowning in my own longing. And he will know. He will see my thoughts in my eyes, for he can see everything in me.
The rain will beat around us as he steps closer and leans in. I will trust him completely as I close my eyes and wait for our lips to...
But I know the price.
And it isn’t fair.
How much would I pay?
How much is that one moment worth to me?
Once, a long time ago, it would have been worth my soul. I would have sold my soul without a moment’s hesitation. But I was naïve then. Now, our love has grown into so much more. Now, it is priceless.
So why is it too heavy? Why, why, why do I find it so hard to give myself up in exchange for our lives?
It is because he would never stand for it. He would never forgive me. And his disappointment would kill me all over again.
So I sit there in the darkness, listening to Her soft hypnotic voice ringing in my ears...
She can give me my moment. She can give us life.
That scares me more than anything. More than the eternal damnation I am sure to get after my Final Judgement.
Who is She?
She is pressing my mind, demanding an answer.
What do you desire? And how much is it worth to you?
She knows what it is I desire. And I know what it is She desires.
And it is too much.
How much is it worth to you?
The right answer comes. It will destroy me and sever my last, fraying ties to life, but it is right.
How. Much. Is it worth. To you?
“Far more than I can give.”
With a roar of fury, She lets go, and I fall into the darkness.
With his smiling face wet with rain fixed in my mind, so I die...